*BEEEEEEEEEEP* my body jolted. *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
“I think she’s coming around” I heard in the distance.
“She’s awake her pressure is rising” someone yelled.
“Quick she’s lost a lot of blood we must transfuse blood into her before she crashes again” I also heard.
“She’s bleeding too much doctor I don’t think she’ll make it even with the extra blood” I heard a woman say and I assumed it was a nurse.
“Just do as I say quickly,” he commanded. “Ashley if you can here please open your eyes” he said to me. “Come on Ashley I need to know if you can hear me. I need to be sure that you’re going to make it,” he added. I tried so much but I couldn’t I was too weak. I just wanted to let go. “Come on Ashley you can do it I know you can” and then surprisingly I opened them. “At a girl” he smiled. “Come on guys we have saving to do”
“Okay I got the blood that matches her blood type,” the nurse said as she ran into the room.
“Let’s get started”
Apparently, I had a lot of internal bleeding. I had broken ribs, which I already knew. I needed a lot of blood to make it through and thank god, I did make it through. I woke up several hours later with a cast on my left foot. I had bandages on my ribs and wrapped around my head. I had the most pain ever and a headache the size of Texas. My eye felt swollen, I had a cast on my right arm as well, and a broken nose.
“Uh” I groaned in pain.
“Mom you’re awake” I heard Gracie yell but I couldn’t see her.
“Gracie” I managed to whisper.
“I’m over here mom” she said as I heard her voice on my left.
“Hi sweetie” I said as I turned my face over to see her.
“I’m so happy you’re awake” she held my hand and kissed it repeatedly.
“You’re in here alone?” I asked.
“Yea grandma Denise just went to the cafeteria to get me some breakfast with Uncle Kevin” she answered.
“Grandma Denise is here in China?” I asked confused.
“No mommy we’re back” she replied.
“What do you mean we’re back? Back where?”
“We’re home mom in California,” she answered.
“What do you mean in California?” I was so confused wasn’t I only out a couple of hours.
“Mom you’ve been asleep for a week,” she said.
“A week?” I whispered. Then the door opened.
“Gracie who are you talking to?” Denise asked.
“Ashley you’re awake!” Kevin exclaimed as he walked in behind Denise and straight to me.
“Hi Kevin” I answered weakly.
“Oh my Ashley how are you feeling?” Denise asked as she too approached my bedside.
“In pain” I answered as I struggled to sit up.
“Let me help you” Kevin offered as he grabbed the remote of my bed and pressed a button.
“Let me call the doctor” Denise offered. “He needs to know you’re awake” she said as she headed towards the door.
“How’s that?” Kevin asked as the bed moved up.
“That’s good thank you” I assured him.
“Here’s your breakfast,” Kevin said to Gracie as he handed her a tray. “We got you orange juice”
“Thank you Uncle Kevin” she said as she sat at the table in the far corner and began to eat.
“So I’ve been asleep for a week?” I asked.
“Well technically you’ve been in a coma for a week. After the operation, we all demanded that both you and Nick be transferred back to the U.S. immediately. I kind of knew it’s what you like better,” he explained.
“Thank you Kevin I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed being handled by Chinese nurses and doctors” I laughed a little but then suddenly the pain in my ribs struck and I winced.
“I know it hurts just try not to move much,” Kevin advised me. “Um Joe was just here he went home to change. That boy hasn’t slept right in days worrying about you so we had to force him to go home to get some rest or at least to shower,” he explained.
“Oh” was all I could say.
“He feels really guilty about what happened to you and for not being there with us when we were in trouble,” he said.
“He should be,” I mumbled more to myself than to him.
“What happened with you guys before we left? I noticed you were a little sad. Other than fact that Gracie was in trouble something else was bothering you,” he asked.
“I can’t say right now” I looked at Gracie and he nodded in understanding. “I’ll tell you later”
“Okay” I remembered that earlier he mentioned something about transferring both Nick and me. I looked around the room. Where was Nick?
“Earlier you said something about transferring both me and Nick” he looked away. “Where is Nick? Is he okay?” I asked.
“Um” he hesitated.
“Kevin look at me” he turned around to face me. “Where is Nick? Please tell me he’s okay,” I begged.
“Ashley I don’t know what to tell you” he said shakily.
“Just tell me the truth please I need to know” I begged anxiously.
“Uh Nick um he’s...” he was interrupted.
“Ashley it’s good to see you’re finally awake,” the doctor said as he walked up to me.
“We’ll leave you to your work doctor we’ll be in the hallway” Denise said. “Come on Kevin” she motioned for him to move away from me.
“Come on Grace” he said as he grabbed her hand and walked out of the room with her.
“Okay Ashley I’m going to need for you to follow the light please,” he said as he shined a flashlight in my eye in which I did squint. “Okay now tell me if this hurts,” he said as he placed his hand on my left leg.
“No” he moved lower “Ow yeah”
“That’s where it is broken. What about your ribs? Does it hurt if I do this?” he passed his hand lightly over my ribs.
“Ow yeah it hurts there” he wrote some things on the chart.
“Okay and does your head hurt?” he asked as he looked at me.
“Yeah a lot actually” I responded.
“Okay in a little bit a nurse is going to come take you to get some x-rays done and then we’ll determine when you get to go home alright” he explained as he checked my pulse and pressure.
“Alright” I answered.
He left the room after injecting something into the bag that led to a tube that was injected into my arm. Denise and Kevin entered the room followed by Gracie.
“So the doctor said you might be able to go home soon,” Denise said as she approached me.
“Yea” I replied.
“But you’re going to have to be on bed rest for a couple weeks” she added.
“I know I have to go take some x-rays in a little bit”
“The nurse is coming now do you think you can sit up to go in a wheel chair?” she asked.
“Yeah I’m pretty sure I can” and with that the nurse entered and Kevin helped to get up which did hurt a lot more than I thought it would. About an hour after all the tests Kevin took me back to my room.
“Kevin please tell me. I know something’s wrong I can feel it please tell me where’s Nick?”
“He’s not doing so well Ashley he’s in a coma” he replied.
“But I was in a coma as well” I said.
“This is worst, the doctors were sure you were going to wake up but with Nick they’re not so sure he ever will,” he said and I felt my heart stop. Nick was never going to wake up. He was stuck in the after life, lost forever.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
CHAPTER 3:
Chorus
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight
But I’m just surviving
And I may be weak but I’m never defeated
And I’ll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining
I heard in the distance.
Bridge
I won’t give up like this
I will be given strength
Now that I’ve found it
Oh nothing can take that away
I know that song I’ve heard it before. I walked away from the tree where my mother once stood and I followed the beautiful voice to a woman sitting behind a white piano. The woman had beautiful white wings attached to her back.
“It’s Sweet Silver Lining by Kate Voegele” she replied as she continued to play the beautiful tune. “It came out it 2009 I believe about four years ago,” she added.
“It’s a beautiful song” I commented.
“Beautiful it is but it’s not about how it sounds Ashley it’s about what it means” she said as she looked back to me.
“How do you know my name?” I asked.
“I’m an angel I know everyone’s name its kind of my job” she replied.
“Oh that would explain the wings,” I said.
“Do you know what the song means?” she asked me as she got up from the piano and began to walk towards the daisies.
“No” I said.
“It means that no matter what obstacles you face in life there’s always a sweet silver lining in other words a happy ever after”
“Oh” I replied.
“A silver lining is always the good side to bad things. Whenever you’re in trouble or lying between life and death in your case just look towards that silver lining it’s what helps you get through,” she explained.
“Why am I here? Am I dead?” I asked.
“That’s what you should be asking yourself Ashley not me. I’m just the messenger. The answer lies within you,” she continued walking.
“Why is Nick here?” I asked.
“Why are you here? You have a man that loves you a daughter that adores you and looks up to you. You have family and friends that need you and very important you have yourself. You need you. You have a great life ahead of you but you can’t give up. Look towards your sweet silver lining and you’ll get through the obstacles you have to face before getting to your happy ever after,” she explained wisely.
“But how do I get back?” I asked as she began to walk faster away from me.
“The answer lies within you,” she yelled back.
“Can I at least know your name?” I yelled.
“Jolie” she yelled back. “It means beautiful in French,” she said before she flew into the blue sky and disappeared.
‘The answer lies within you’ what was that supposed to mean? How was that going to help me get back? Why was Nick in this so called ‘after life’?
“Mom!” I yelled.
“Yes Ashley” she appeared behind me.
“Omg you scared me” I jumped.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” she asked calmly. “I missed you,” she added.
“You’re real,” I said as I embraced her in a hug. “I’ve missed you so much” I began to cry.
“Oh my baby is all grown up and she has a baby of her own,” she whispered in my ear. “I hate that I’ve missed so much in your life sweetie I am so sorry for that,” she cried as she squeezed me tighter.
“I know mom I know”
“Now I can’t let that happen between you and Gracie” she pulled back. “You must return she needs you now more than ever they all need you sweetie”
“Who?” I asked wondering who ‘they’ she was referring to.
“Everyone, Denise, Paul, Frankie, Your father, Kevin, Nick, and even Joe” she named.
“Joe does not need me he already has someone” I replied.
“They all need you believe it or not especially Nick” she said and that confused me.
“Nick?” I questioned. “Nick’s dead isn’t he?”
“Why do you say that?” she asks.
“I saw him here isn’t this were you go when you die?” I asked in return.
“You’re right about that but the difference between Nick and you and everyone else is that we already died long ago and that was final. You and Nick are still lingering trying to decide whether to hold on or just let go,” she explained.
“Okay but I don’t get it why would Nick need me?” I asked still a confused.
“His love for you is what is keeping his soul still attached to his body. The boy loves you Ashley stop making him suffer for you. You and I both know you love him and your daughter more than your own life. Stop being so afraid and tell him because if you don’t he will let go I promise you that” she explained which made my eyes flood with tears. “His love for you is slowly killing him and eventually he will die and leave you and I know you don’t want that. You love him and Gracie loves him what more do you need to accept him into your heart. I’ll tell you one thing he may not be the father of your child but he’s a damn better one than you can ever find,” she said and I cried because I knew it was true.
“I know mom I know I’m just scared” I cried.
“Of what sweetie? He’s the one and you know it. You’ve always known it since the first time I saw you lay eyes on him you were only children but you knew and I knew too. When I died, I saw how you became distant and made the mistake of running to Joe. It was supposed to be Nick that night. And it still is. No matter what you two go through Nick will always be your sweet silver lining. He’s your happy ever after. Whether you choose to be with him or Joe is totally up to you now. Sure Joseph loves you as well and has made his share of mistakes as well as Nicholas but no one will love you more than that boy over there” she said pointing to Nick who was wandering like a lost boy in the fields. “The decision is up to you sweetie. The only thing I know is that whatever decision you make you’re going to do it with your heart”
“Thank you mom” I hugged her once more and I cried in her arms.
I missed my mother. I needed her advice and her love so much. I missed it. And I knew at that moment what I had to do. I had to return I couldn’t leave Gracie the way my mother left me. I couldn’t let her suffer the way I did. I looked to Nick to see him confused and hurt. I knew how much he loved me and I knew how much Joe loved me but no matter what they both did to hurt me and to be there for me I had to choose one.
“You know what to do. The key to going back is in here” she placed her hand on my heart.
“So is the key to saving Nick” I replied. She hugged me once more and kissed my forehead.
“Remember that I am always watching over you. I love you” a tear escaped from her eye.
“I love you too mom” I whispered.
I thought about everyone I loved, from the Jonas’ family to Miley, my father, my mom, my friends and then my daughter.
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight
But I’m just surviving
And I may be weak but I’m never defeated
And I’ll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining
I heard in the distance.
Bridge
I won’t give up like this
I will be given strength
Now that I’ve found it
Oh nothing can take that away
I know that song I’ve heard it before. I walked away from the tree where my mother once stood and I followed the beautiful voice to a woman sitting behind a white piano. The woman had beautiful white wings attached to her back.
“It’s Sweet Silver Lining by Kate Voegele” she replied as she continued to play the beautiful tune. “It came out it 2009 I believe about four years ago,” she added.
“It’s a beautiful song” I commented.
“Beautiful it is but it’s not about how it sounds Ashley it’s about what it means” she said as she looked back to me.
“How do you know my name?” I asked.
“I’m an angel I know everyone’s name its kind of my job” she replied.
“Oh that would explain the wings,” I said.
“Do you know what the song means?” she asked me as she got up from the piano and began to walk towards the daisies.
“No” I said.
“It means that no matter what obstacles you face in life there’s always a sweet silver lining in other words a happy ever after”
“Oh” I replied.
“A silver lining is always the good side to bad things. Whenever you’re in trouble or lying between life and death in your case just look towards that silver lining it’s what helps you get through,” she explained.
“Why am I here? Am I dead?” I asked.
“That’s what you should be asking yourself Ashley not me. I’m just the messenger. The answer lies within you,” she continued walking.
“Why is Nick here?” I asked.
“Why are you here? You have a man that loves you a daughter that adores you and looks up to you. You have family and friends that need you and very important you have yourself. You need you. You have a great life ahead of you but you can’t give up. Look towards your sweet silver lining and you’ll get through the obstacles you have to face before getting to your happy ever after,” she explained wisely.
“But how do I get back?” I asked as she began to walk faster away from me.
“The answer lies within you,” she yelled back.
“Can I at least know your name?” I yelled.
“Jolie” she yelled back. “It means beautiful in French,” she said before she flew into the blue sky and disappeared.
‘The answer lies within you’ what was that supposed to mean? How was that going to help me get back? Why was Nick in this so called ‘after life’?
“Mom!” I yelled.
“Yes Ashley” she appeared behind me.
“Omg you scared me” I jumped.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” she asked calmly. “I missed you,” she added.
“You’re real,” I said as I embraced her in a hug. “I’ve missed you so much” I began to cry.
“Oh my baby is all grown up and she has a baby of her own,” she whispered in my ear. “I hate that I’ve missed so much in your life sweetie I am so sorry for that,” she cried as she squeezed me tighter.
“I know mom I know”
“Now I can’t let that happen between you and Gracie” she pulled back. “You must return she needs you now more than ever they all need you sweetie”
“Who?” I asked wondering who ‘they’ she was referring to.
“Everyone, Denise, Paul, Frankie, Your father, Kevin, Nick, and even Joe” she named.
“Joe does not need me he already has someone” I replied.
“They all need you believe it or not especially Nick” she said and that confused me.
“Nick?” I questioned. “Nick’s dead isn’t he?”
“Why do you say that?” she asks.
“I saw him here isn’t this were you go when you die?” I asked in return.
“You’re right about that but the difference between Nick and you and everyone else is that we already died long ago and that was final. You and Nick are still lingering trying to decide whether to hold on or just let go,” she explained.
“Okay but I don’t get it why would Nick need me?” I asked still a confused.
“His love for you is what is keeping his soul still attached to his body. The boy loves you Ashley stop making him suffer for you. You and I both know you love him and your daughter more than your own life. Stop being so afraid and tell him because if you don’t he will let go I promise you that” she explained which made my eyes flood with tears. “His love for you is slowly killing him and eventually he will die and leave you and I know you don’t want that. You love him and Gracie loves him what more do you need to accept him into your heart. I’ll tell you one thing he may not be the father of your child but he’s a damn better one than you can ever find,” she said and I cried because I knew it was true.
“I know mom I know I’m just scared” I cried.
“Of what sweetie? He’s the one and you know it. You’ve always known it since the first time I saw you lay eyes on him you were only children but you knew and I knew too. When I died, I saw how you became distant and made the mistake of running to Joe. It was supposed to be Nick that night. And it still is. No matter what you two go through Nick will always be your sweet silver lining. He’s your happy ever after. Whether you choose to be with him or Joe is totally up to you now. Sure Joseph loves you as well and has made his share of mistakes as well as Nicholas but no one will love you more than that boy over there” she said pointing to Nick who was wandering like a lost boy in the fields. “The decision is up to you sweetie. The only thing I know is that whatever decision you make you’re going to do it with your heart”
“Thank you mom” I hugged her once more and I cried in her arms.
I missed my mother. I needed her advice and her love so much. I missed it. And I knew at that moment what I had to do. I had to return I couldn’t leave Gracie the way my mother left me. I couldn’t let her suffer the way I did. I looked to Nick to see him confused and hurt. I knew how much he loved me and I knew how much Joe loved me but no matter what they both did to hurt me and to be there for me I had to choose one.
“You know what to do. The key to going back is in here” she placed her hand on my heart.
“So is the key to saving Nick” I replied. She hugged me once more and kissed my forehead.
“Remember that I am always watching over you. I love you” a tear escaped from her eye.
“I love you too mom” I whispered.
I thought about everyone I loved, from the Jonas’ family to Miley, my father, my mom, my friends and then my daughter.
CHAPTER 2:
You could hear the sirens of the police, ambulance, and the fire rescue outside the building walls. They’re a little late don’t you think? Well my daughter was safe in my arms again, my boys were alive, and that’s all that mattered right now. It was me holding onto Nick and Kevin holding Gracie in his arms. We were finally going home, all of us together. *Click* Nick and I turned around to see John limping and bleeding all over the floor. *Bang*
“Ashley!” I heard Nick yell.
“Nick” I heard someone yell but I couldn’t quite tell who.
Then suddenly everything went dark and I was alone. I felt cold and I could feel my body trembling. I heard yelling and gunshots in the background and then I heard nothing. I felt my body being lifted off the ground and I felt even more cold and wet. I opened my eyes slightly to see a body lying on the ground covered in blood. “Nick” I tried to say but I couldn’t get my mouth to move. My hands were wet with blood and so was the ground I was lying on. I searched as best as I could for Nick but he was nowhere in sight. I felt weaker and colder by the second that passed then my eyes shut once again. I heard people speaking in the background and I heard the siren of ambulances. There was more than one. I felt my mouth being covered and I tried my best to move my arms to uncover it but the most I could do was open my eyes. I looked to see the rescue placing me on a stretcher while a nurse put a mask over my mouth to help me breathe better. My vision kept blurring and I could see the rescue’s hands covered in blood. I was covered in blood.
“She’s lost a lot of blood I don’t think she’ll make it through” I heard one of them say.
“But we’ve got to try” I heard another one reply.
“Come on let’s get her in the truck” one said as they all grabbed different ends of the stretcher.
“All right ready on 3. 1, 2, 3,” he said and with that, they lifted me into the ambulance.
Everything seemed to move in slow motion. There were other rescues running back and forth with stretchers and then one caught my eye. A rescue was leaning on the ground zipping up a body bag. The only thing I was able to see was an arm that accidentally slipped out. The arm had a silver watch on its wrist. Then a memory appeared in my head. When we were in the airplane, I woke up and I had looked at Nick’s watch to see that it was 6:30am. Nick was wearing a silver watch and on the same hand too. Omg they were zipping up Nick’s body. Nick was dead. I scanned around for Kevin and Gracie but they were nowhere in sight. Then everything flooded back into my mind.
*Bang*
“Ashley!” I heard Nick yell. He was standing right beside me as we looked back at John pointing the gun at me. Nick shoved me out of the way causing me to crash into the cement wall.
“Nick!” I heard someone yell but I couldn’t quite tell who.
I looked around and noticed it was me. I was the one who yelled Nick. The bullet came out of John’s gun and flew into the center of Nick’s chest. That was the reason why I yelled Nick’s name. Blood poured from every whole in my body. I was already bleeding from the broken ribs, from my busted lip, and swollen eye. Nick in trying to save me caused me to bleed even more. My body crashed extremely hard against the cement wall with a loud thud as I screeched in pain. I felt the blood leaking from under me and I saw Nick lying on the floor bleeding as well. I couldn’t feel my body except the coldness and wetness. I tried to crawl over to Nick to help him but I couldn’t even help myself.
“Like I said you’re not leaving here so easily,” John said as he limped a little closer to Nick’s body.
Where was Kevin when we needed him? I looked around to see Kevin holding Gracie as she cried in his arms. Come on Kevin! Help your brother needs you. Nick get up. Please get up. John stood over Nick’s limp body as he pointed the gun down to him. He placed his finger on the trigger and I closed my eyes and then *BANG*. I heard a gun shot. Nick! I opened my eyes. I saw Nick still lying on the ground bleeding. John was standing over Nick but the gun had fallen out of his hand. Instead, he had his hand placed over his stomach. I looked away from him to a police officer with a gun in his hand. Behind him were five others. *Bang* they shot again and this time John fell down to the ground. The police rushed over to him and checked his pulse.
“He’s dead,” One of them said.
“He’s still breathing but he’s losing his pulse,” another one said as he placed his fingers on Nick’s neck.
“She’s still alive,” another one said as she checked my pulse.
“Mommy!” I heard Gracie scream.
“Get the child out of here please,” the woman instructed to Kevin.
“Gracie” I whispered but no one heard me.
“Come on we have to get them to the hospital quick before we lose them. They’ve both lost way too much blood to survive this,” she said to the other police officers.
“Nick” I whispered.
“Shh, don’t strain yourself” she warned me. “You’re in really bad condition,” she added.
“Nick” I repeated and my eyes closed.
So maybe Nick didn’t make it. Maybe that was Nick’s arm that I saw in the body bag. Nick was dead. I didn’t even get the chance to be with him. I never told him how much I loved him and now he’s gone. I was on the ambulance and they were getting ready to close the door.
“Hold on, hold on, hold on,” I heard Kevin’s voice.
“I want to go with my mom please” I heard Gracie beg.
“Okay fine” the nurse said.
“I’ll meet you there okay sweetie” I heard Kevin say to Gracie.
“Okay bye Uncle Kevin” she replied and then I heard the doors close.
They started up the engine and I felt a pair of small cold hands grab mines. All I could do was cry on the inside. My baby was being so brave and strong about this. If only her father were here to see this.
“Alright let’s go” a rescue said.
“Don’t worry mommy I’m here and nothings going to happen to you. I won’t let it. I promise.” She kissed my hand.
I know sweetie you’re brave and strong. I hope you do great things in life and I know you will. I tried my best to squeeze her hand to let her know I was listening but it was useless. The rescue placed an IV into my arm. Everything began to blur more and more until I was too weak to keep my eyes open any longer. I let my eyes fall shut and my whole body drifted.
I was walking in a field of daisies. My favorite flower. The sky was as blue as ever and the sun shined like a bright summer day. I looked all around me to see the field stretch beyond the horizon. In the far distance, there was a single tree and someone was standing under it. I looked down to see that I was wearing a beautiful white cotton dress and I was bare feet. My hair was loose and held up near my ear by a single yellow rose. I looked around to see no other yellow rose in sight. I was wearing the only one. I ran through the field towards the tree. I felt the nice summer grass under my toes with every step I took.
“Flowers are the sweetest things god ever made and forgot to put a soul into” I heard her say.
“Mom” I whispered unsure if it were her or not.
“Welcome Ashley” she said. “Welcome to the after life we’ve been waiting for you,” she said and I looked behind her to see many people I cared about and among the crowd in the very front stood Nick.
“Ashley!” I heard Nick yell.
“Nick” I heard someone yell but I couldn’t quite tell who.
Then suddenly everything went dark and I was alone. I felt cold and I could feel my body trembling. I heard yelling and gunshots in the background and then I heard nothing. I felt my body being lifted off the ground and I felt even more cold and wet. I opened my eyes slightly to see a body lying on the ground covered in blood. “Nick” I tried to say but I couldn’t get my mouth to move. My hands were wet with blood and so was the ground I was lying on. I searched as best as I could for Nick but he was nowhere in sight. I felt weaker and colder by the second that passed then my eyes shut once again. I heard people speaking in the background and I heard the siren of ambulances. There was more than one. I felt my mouth being covered and I tried my best to move my arms to uncover it but the most I could do was open my eyes. I looked to see the rescue placing me on a stretcher while a nurse put a mask over my mouth to help me breathe better. My vision kept blurring and I could see the rescue’s hands covered in blood. I was covered in blood.
“She’s lost a lot of blood I don’t think she’ll make it through” I heard one of them say.
“But we’ve got to try” I heard another one reply.
“Come on let’s get her in the truck” one said as they all grabbed different ends of the stretcher.
“All right ready on 3. 1, 2, 3,” he said and with that, they lifted me into the ambulance.
Everything seemed to move in slow motion. There were other rescues running back and forth with stretchers and then one caught my eye. A rescue was leaning on the ground zipping up a body bag. The only thing I was able to see was an arm that accidentally slipped out. The arm had a silver watch on its wrist. Then a memory appeared in my head. When we were in the airplane, I woke up and I had looked at Nick’s watch to see that it was 6:30am. Nick was wearing a silver watch and on the same hand too. Omg they were zipping up Nick’s body. Nick was dead. I scanned around for Kevin and Gracie but they were nowhere in sight. Then everything flooded back into my mind.
*Bang*
“Ashley!” I heard Nick yell. He was standing right beside me as we looked back at John pointing the gun at me. Nick shoved me out of the way causing me to crash into the cement wall.
“Nick!” I heard someone yell but I couldn’t quite tell who.
I looked around and noticed it was me. I was the one who yelled Nick. The bullet came out of John’s gun and flew into the center of Nick’s chest. That was the reason why I yelled Nick’s name. Blood poured from every whole in my body. I was already bleeding from the broken ribs, from my busted lip, and swollen eye. Nick in trying to save me caused me to bleed even more. My body crashed extremely hard against the cement wall with a loud thud as I screeched in pain. I felt the blood leaking from under me and I saw Nick lying on the floor bleeding as well. I couldn’t feel my body except the coldness and wetness. I tried to crawl over to Nick to help him but I couldn’t even help myself.
“Like I said you’re not leaving here so easily,” John said as he limped a little closer to Nick’s body.
Where was Kevin when we needed him? I looked around to see Kevin holding Gracie as she cried in his arms. Come on Kevin! Help your brother needs you. Nick get up. Please get up. John stood over Nick’s limp body as he pointed the gun down to him. He placed his finger on the trigger and I closed my eyes and then *BANG*. I heard a gun shot. Nick! I opened my eyes. I saw Nick still lying on the ground bleeding. John was standing over Nick but the gun had fallen out of his hand. Instead, he had his hand placed over his stomach. I looked away from him to a police officer with a gun in his hand. Behind him were five others. *Bang* they shot again and this time John fell down to the ground. The police rushed over to him and checked his pulse.
“He’s dead,” One of them said.
“He’s still breathing but he’s losing his pulse,” another one said as he placed his fingers on Nick’s neck.
“She’s still alive,” another one said as she checked my pulse.
“Mommy!” I heard Gracie scream.
“Get the child out of here please,” the woman instructed to Kevin.
“Gracie” I whispered but no one heard me.
“Come on we have to get them to the hospital quick before we lose them. They’ve both lost way too much blood to survive this,” she said to the other police officers.
“Nick” I whispered.
“Shh, don’t strain yourself” she warned me. “You’re in really bad condition,” she added.
“Nick” I repeated and my eyes closed.
So maybe Nick didn’t make it. Maybe that was Nick’s arm that I saw in the body bag. Nick was dead. I didn’t even get the chance to be with him. I never told him how much I loved him and now he’s gone. I was on the ambulance and they were getting ready to close the door.
“Hold on, hold on, hold on,” I heard Kevin’s voice.
“I want to go with my mom please” I heard Gracie beg.
“Okay fine” the nurse said.
“I’ll meet you there okay sweetie” I heard Kevin say to Gracie.
“Okay bye Uncle Kevin” she replied and then I heard the doors close.
They started up the engine and I felt a pair of small cold hands grab mines. All I could do was cry on the inside. My baby was being so brave and strong about this. If only her father were here to see this.
“Alright let’s go” a rescue said.
“Don’t worry mommy I’m here and nothings going to happen to you. I won’t let it. I promise.” She kissed my hand.
I know sweetie you’re brave and strong. I hope you do great things in life and I know you will. I tried my best to squeeze her hand to let her know I was listening but it was useless. The rescue placed an IV into my arm. Everything began to blur more and more until I was too weak to keep my eyes open any longer. I let my eyes fall shut and my whole body drifted.
I was walking in a field of daisies. My favorite flower. The sky was as blue as ever and the sun shined like a bright summer day. I looked all around me to see the field stretch beyond the horizon. In the far distance, there was a single tree and someone was standing under it. I looked down to see that I was wearing a beautiful white cotton dress and I was bare feet. My hair was loose and held up near my ear by a single yellow rose. I looked around to see no other yellow rose in sight. I was wearing the only one. I ran through the field towards the tree. I felt the nice summer grass under my toes with every step I took.
“Flowers are the sweetest things god ever made and forgot to put a soul into” I heard her say.
“Mom” I whispered unsure if it were her or not.
“Welcome Ashley” she said. “Welcome to the after life we’ve been waiting for you,” she said and I looked behind her to see many people I cared about and among the crowd in the very front stood Nick.
CHAPTER 1:
by liveformusicx3
Verse 1
I’m going home
Down-hearted and hoping I’m close
To some new beginning
I know
There’s a reason for everything that comes and goes
Sweet Silver Lining by Kate Voegele began to play on the radio as I was driving to yet another doctor’s appointment. I looked to my right to see my soon to be seven year old daughter Gracie singing as she reached to turn up the volume on the radio. I smiled at her and began to sing as well. I really loved that song.
Chorus
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight
But I’m just surviving
And I may be weak but I’m never defeated
And I’ll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining
It has been a year and four months since we returned home from China with Gracie. So much has happened over the year. Gracie turned six two months after we returned and she just turned seven two months ago. She is currently out of school because it is summer vacation but she’s going on into the second grade.
Verse 2
Most day I try
My best to put on a brave face
But inside my bones are cold and my heart breaks
But all the while, something’s keeping me safe and alive
The song continued to play as we pulled into the garage and searched for a parking space close to the main entrance of the maternity ward. As we parked and listened to the radio, my mind began to race through images of everything that happened from the time we found Gracie up until now.
“Aw man I loved that song” she whined as I parked and turned off the car causing the radio to turn off as well.
“Come on we can hear it later” I assured her as I unbuckled my seat belt and opened the door.
“I’ll get that for you mom” she said as she ran around grabbed my purse, and held the door open for me.
“Thank you sweetie” I said as I slowly stepped out and let her close the door behind me.
“No problem here” she said handing me my purse.
“Thank you” I said as I grabbed it from her hand.
We walked towards the elevator. Unfortunately, there wasn’t any parking on the first floor but luckily there was on the second. We waited for the elevator and then we made our way down. Once the elevator made it down and opened, we stepped out and made our way into the hospital. We walked over to the woman behind the counter and I pulled out my ID from my bag.
“Good morning ma’am may I please see an ID or a License?” she asked.
“Sure here” I replied handing it to her.
“May I ask where you are going?” she said to me.
“I have an appointment with Dr. Megan at 10:30am in the GYN” I replied.
“Okay please stand in front of this little camera and look down into it,” she explained as she pointed to the small device sitting on her desk. It took a picture of me then printed out two slips. “Here’s your visitors sticker and your ID just follow this hallway on the left and then follow the footprints marked on the floor”
“Thank you” I said as I placed the sticker on my shirt and gave Gracie the other.
“Have a nice day” she smiled.
“You too” I replied as Gracie and I walked down the hallway and followed the footprints marked on the floor.
After a while of following the footprints, we finally got to the GYN’s office. We entered and she took a seat while I went to the window and filled out a form. It wasn’t as full as I thought it would be but still there were a good amount of women to keep the doctor’s busy for a while. After filling out the form, I went to sit by my daughter to wait until my name was called.
“Ashley Morales” they called.
“Are you going to go in with me or do you prefer to stay out here and wait?” I whispered to Gracie.
“Ashley Morales” they called again.
“I’m right here I’m coming,” I said to them as I tried to get up as fast as possible. It’s not so easy when you’re eight months pregnant and your belly is huge.
“Yea of course I’m going in with you mom I want to see my little brother” she replied as she got up as well.
“Or little sister” I reminded her as we walked into the doctor’s office.
After eight months of being pregnant, we still didn’t know whether we were having a boy or a girl. Sometimes the baby looked like a girl and sometimes it looked like a boy. I’m thinking it’s a boy and so does everyone else. It seems like the baby likes to hide his friend in between his legs or he just like to play with our minds. Whatever it is that he does still makes me believe he’s a boy. Either way it doesn’t matter whether it’s a he or a she as long as the baby is healthy I am happy.
“Good morning Ashley” the nurse greeted me as she took my pressure.
“Good morning Maria” I greeted back.
“How’s the baby?” she asked as she took my weight.
“Oh he’s kicking a lot these days” I replied as I stepped off the scale.
“So it’s a boy,” she asked.
“We’re going to find that out today but I’m pretty sure he is” I replied with a smile.
“Well keep me informed,” she said as she wrote down a couple notes on the chart. “Just wait here the doctor will be right with you,” she said as she walked towards the door. “See you later Gracie,” she said before walking out.
“Bye Maria” Gracie replied.
Minutes later Dr. Megan walked in.
“Good morning how are you Ashley?” she greeted as she looked at the charts.
“Excited to find out the sex of the baby,” I replied with a smile.
“Well everything seems to be going great” she said flipping through the sheets. “Your weight it good and so is your pressure and everything else seems fine we should be able to see the baby fine and what he or she is,” she said as she pulled the ultrasound machine closer. “Well let’s lay you down and lift up your shirt,” she said as she started up the machine.
“Hold this sweetie” I gave Gracie my bag.
“Okay here we go,” she said as she rubbed the cold creamy lotion onto my belly.
“Whoa that’s cold!” I shivered.
“Well if you look right here,” she said pointing to the screen as she moved the tiny device over my belly. “You could see that he’s a boy,” she said to me. “You could see his penis right there,” she pointed out. “Look at his toes and his feet”
“Aw” Gracie commented as she stared at the screen in amazement. I really wish the father could’ve been here to see his son I know he probably would’ve been excited and amazed as well. If only he wouldn’t have gone away on tour maybe he would’ve known that I was pregnant with our son.
Verse 1
I’m going home
Down-hearted and hoping I’m close
To some new beginning
I know
There’s a reason for everything that comes and goes
Sweet Silver Lining by Kate Voegele began to play on the radio as I was driving to yet another doctor’s appointment. I looked to my right to see my soon to be seven year old daughter Gracie singing as she reached to turn up the volume on the radio. I smiled at her and began to sing as well. I really loved that song.
Chorus
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight
But I’m just surviving
And I may be weak but I’m never defeated
And I’ll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining
It has been a year and four months since we returned home from China with Gracie. So much has happened over the year. Gracie turned six two months after we returned and she just turned seven two months ago. She is currently out of school because it is summer vacation but she’s going on into the second grade.
Verse 2
Most day I try
My best to put on a brave face
But inside my bones are cold and my heart breaks
But all the while, something’s keeping me safe and alive
The song continued to play as we pulled into the garage and searched for a parking space close to the main entrance of the maternity ward. As we parked and listened to the radio, my mind began to race through images of everything that happened from the time we found Gracie up until now.
“Aw man I loved that song” she whined as I parked and turned off the car causing the radio to turn off as well.
“Come on we can hear it later” I assured her as I unbuckled my seat belt and opened the door.
“I’ll get that for you mom” she said as she ran around grabbed my purse, and held the door open for me.
“Thank you sweetie” I said as I slowly stepped out and let her close the door behind me.
“No problem here” she said handing me my purse.
“Thank you” I said as I grabbed it from her hand.
We walked towards the elevator. Unfortunately, there wasn’t any parking on the first floor but luckily there was on the second. We waited for the elevator and then we made our way down. Once the elevator made it down and opened, we stepped out and made our way into the hospital. We walked over to the woman behind the counter and I pulled out my ID from my bag.
“Good morning ma’am may I please see an ID or a License?” she asked.
“Sure here” I replied handing it to her.
“May I ask where you are going?” she said to me.
“I have an appointment with Dr. Megan at 10:30am in the GYN” I replied.
“Okay please stand in front of this little camera and look down into it,” she explained as she pointed to the small device sitting on her desk. It took a picture of me then printed out two slips. “Here’s your visitors sticker and your ID just follow this hallway on the left and then follow the footprints marked on the floor”
“Thank you” I said as I placed the sticker on my shirt and gave Gracie the other.
“Have a nice day” she smiled.
“You too” I replied as Gracie and I walked down the hallway and followed the footprints marked on the floor.
After a while of following the footprints, we finally got to the GYN’s office. We entered and she took a seat while I went to the window and filled out a form. It wasn’t as full as I thought it would be but still there were a good amount of women to keep the doctor’s busy for a while. After filling out the form, I went to sit by my daughter to wait until my name was called.
“Ashley Morales” they called.
“Are you going to go in with me or do you prefer to stay out here and wait?” I whispered to Gracie.
“Ashley Morales” they called again.
“I’m right here I’m coming,” I said to them as I tried to get up as fast as possible. It’s not so easy when you’re eight months pregnant and your belly is huge.
“Yea of course I’m going in with you mom I want to see my little brother” she replied as she got up as well.
“Or little sister” I reminded her as we walked into the doctor’s office.
After eight months of being pregnant, we still didn’t know whether we were having a boy or a girl. Sometimes the baby looked like a girl and sometimes it looked like a boy. I’m thinking it’s a boy and so does everyone else. It seems like the baby likes to hide his friend in between his legs or he just like to play with our minds. Whatever it is that he does still makes me believe he’s a boy. Either way it doesn’t matter whether it’s a he or a she as long as the baby is healthy I am happy.
“Good morning Ashley” the nurse greeted me as she took my pressure.
“Good morning Maria” I greeted back.
“How’s the baby?” she asked as she took my weight.
“Oh he’s kicking a lot these days” I replied as I stepped off the scale.
“So it’s a boy,” she asked.
“We’re going to find that out today but I’m pretty sure he is” I replied with a smile.
“Well keep me informed,” she said as she wrote down a couple notes on the chart. “Just wait here the doctor will be right with you,” she said as she walked towards the door. “See you later Gracie,” she said before walking out.
“Bye Maria” Gracie replied.
Minutes later Dr. Megan walked in.
“Good morning how are you Ashley?” she greeted as she looked at the charts.
“Excited to find out the sex of the baby,” I replied with a smile.
“Well everything seems to be going great” she said flipping through the sheets. “Your weight it good and so is your pressure and everything else seems fine we should be able to see the baby fine and what he or she is,” she said as she pulled the ultrasound machine closer. “Well let’s lay you down and lift up your shirt,” she said as she started up the machine.
“Hold this sweetie” I gave Gracie my bag.
“Okay here we go,” she said as she rubbed the cold creamy lotion onto my belly.
“Whoa that’s cold!” I shivered.
“Well if you look right here,” she said pointing to the screen as she moved the tiny device over my belly. “You could see that he’s a boy,” she said to me. “You could see his penis right there,” she pointed out. “Look at his toes and his feet”
“Aw” Gracie commented as she stared at the screen in amazement. I really wish the father could’ve been here to see his son I know he probably would’ve been excited and amazed as well. If only he wouldn’t have gone away on tour maybe he would’ve known that I was pregnant with our son.
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