CHAPTER 3:

Chorus
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight
But I’m just surviving
And I may be weak but I’m never defeated
And I’ll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining

I heard in the distance.

Bridge
I won’t give up like this
I will be given strength
Now that I’ve found it
Oh nothing can take that away

I know that song I’ve heard it before. I walked away from the tree where my mother once stood and I followed the beautiful voice to a woman sitting behind a white piano. The woman had beautiful white wings attached to her back.

“It’s Sweet Silver Lining by Kate Voegele” she replied as she continued to play the beautiful tune. “It came out it 2009 I believe about four years ago,” she added.
“It’s a beautiful song” I commented.
“Beautiful it is but it’s not about how it sounds Ashley it’s about what it means” she said as she looked back to me.
“How do you know my name?” I asked.
“I’m an angel I know everyone’s name its kind of my job” she replied.
“Oh that would explain the wings,” I said.
“Do you know what the song means?” she asked me as she got up from the piano and began to walk towards the daisies.
“No” I said.
“It means that no matter what obstacles you face in life there’s always a sweet silver lining in other words a happy ever after”
“Oh” I replied.
“A silver lining is always the good side to bad things. Whenever you’re in trouble or lying between life and death in your case just look towards that silver lining it’s what helps you get through,” she explained.
“Why am I here? Am I dead?” I asked.
“That’s what you should be asking yourself Ashley not me. I’m just the messenger. The answer lies within you,” she continued walking.
“Why is Nick here?” I asked.
“Why are you here? You have a man that loves you a daughter that adores you and looks up to you. You have family and friends that need you and very important you have yourself. You need you. You have a great life ahead of you but you can’t give up. Look towards your sweet silver lining and you’ll get through the obstacles you have to face before getting to your happy ever after,” she explained wisely.
“But how do I get back?” I asked as she began to walk faster away from me.
“The answer lies within you,” she yelled back.
“Can I at least know your name?” I yelled.
“Jolie” she yelled back. “It means beautiful in French,” she said before she flew into the blue sky and disappeared.

‘The answer lies within you’ what was that supposed to mean? How was that going to help me get back? Why was Nick in this so called ‘after life’?

“Mom!” I yelled.
“Yes Ashley” she appeared behind me.
“Omg you scared me” I jumped.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” she asked calmly. “I missed you,” she added.
“You’re real,” I said as I embraced her in a hug. “I’ve missed you so much” I began to cry.
“Oh my baby is all grown up and she has a baby of her own,” she whispered in my ear. “I hate that I’ve missed so much in your life sweetie I am so sorry for that,” she cried as she squeezed me tighter.
“I know mom I know”
“Now I can’t let that happen between you and Gracie” she pulled back. “You must return she needs you now more than ever they all need you sweetie”
“Who?” I asked wondering who ‘they’ she was referring to.
“Everyone, Denise, Paul, Frankie, Your father, Kevin, Nick, and even Joe” she named.
“Joe does not need me he already has someone” I replied.
“They all need you believe it or not especially Nick” she said and that confused me.
“Nick?” I questioned. “Nick’s dead isn’t he?”
“Why do you say that?” she asks.
“I saw him here isn’t this were you go when you die?” I asked in return.
“You’re right about that but the difference between Nick and you and everyone else is that we already died long ago and that was final. You and Nick are still lingering trying to decide whether to hold on or just let go,” she explained.
“Okay but I don’t get it why would Nick need me?” I asked still a confused.
“His love for you is what is keeping his soul still attached to his body. The boy loves you Ashley stop making him suffer for you. You and I both know you love him and your daughter more than your own life. Stop being so afraid and tell him because if you don’t he will let go I promise you that” she explained which made my eyes flood with tears. “His love for you is slowly killing him and eventually he will die and leave you and I know you don’t want that. You love him and Gracie loves him what more do you need to accept him into your heart. I’ll tell you one thing he may not be the father of your child but he’s a damn better one than you can ever find,” she said and I cried because I knew it was true.
“I know mom I know I’m just scared” I cried.
“Of what sweetie? He’s the one and you know it. You’ve always known it since the first time I saw you lay eyes on him you were only children but you knew and I knew too. When I died, I saw how you became distant and made the mistake of running to Joe. It was supposed to be Nick that night. And it still is. No matter what you two go through Nick will always be your sweet silver lining. He’s your happy ever after. Whether you choose to be with him or Joe is totally up to you now. Sure Joseph loves you as well and has made his share of mistakes as well as Nicholas but no one will love you more than that boy over there” she said pointing to Nick who was wandering like a lost boy in the fields. “The decision is up to you sweetie. The only thing I know is that whatever decision you make you’re going to do it with your heart”
“Thank you mom” I hugged her once more and I cried in her arms.

I missed my mother. I needed her advice and her love so much. I missed it. And I knew at that moment what I had to do. I had to return I couldn’t leave Gracie the way my mother left me. I couldn’t let her suffer the way I did. I looked to Nick to see him confused and hurt. I knew how much he loved me and I knew how much Joe loved me but no matter what they both did to hurt me and to be there for me I had to choose one.

“You know what to do. The key to going back is in here” she placed her hand on my heart.
“So is the key to saving Nick” I replied. She hugged me once more and kissed my forehead.
“Remember that I am always watching over you. I love you” a tear escaped from her eye.
“I love you too mom” I whispered.

I thought about everyone I loved, from the Jonas’ family to Miley, my father, my mom, my friends and then my daughter.